the same old verse all over again

"maniwala ka sana, minamahal kita"

didn't that just sound so pathetic?

and just when i thought this lifetime is over it then evolves to eternity. sunday was bad enough and wednesday will be torture. hmmm, there i go again, being selfish and such, but what can i do? why can't i get over you? it's not like we've been together or anything. i hate being pathetic, and i hate being in love with you. maybe as much as you do, but probably more than that. what happened to me?

i hate being in love. every time it happens it's the same old routine all over again. when will i grow up and accept things as it is? FRIENDS, man. just FRIENDS. and don't you forget that. for once, be selfless.

haven't i been selfless long enough? don't i deserve any gratification?

yes of course you do, but to someone who deserves it. it's just karma, man. even though you don't believe in such. even if you think gravity is just a fairytale, gravity wouldn't care. and whatever you do, he will never ever listen.

you are just like gravity, drawing me closer to you and yet you don't even notice, or just wouldn't care. but what can i do, it's natural.

the longest week of my life

the longest week of my life is this one week without you. maybe i'm just stressed, maybe i'm just depressed, or maybe i just miss you.

you know i'm such a fool for you, or don't you?i think you still have an idea how much i like you, or even more than that. i don't want to go to class because i know you won't be there. i just want to sleep all day until this whole week pass me by. i'm trying to keep myself busy to ignore the time. but no, you just have to be always in my mind.

why do i feel jealous when your with another guy? why do i miss you so much, i hope the time will fly. why is friendship not enough, i know it's what you want. why do i have to fake this feeling, to me it's all a lie.

but if lying is what it takes to be near you. to be around you. to be close to you. i'll just hope the time comes when there will be no need to lie.

i told you the truth, and it broke my heart.

why am i getting paranoid?

is it because she is home where her ex is? why do i get the feeling that they'll meet and something. why is the swing scaring me? why do i even care? raarrr.

i'm not supposed to be like this. hell, i'm supposed to be in class today. don't even know the reason why i'm still here in my room posting meaningless posts while my statistics assignment due today haven't even been touched. wake up buddy, you need to change. and this week is perfect chance to change.

the problem is, next week will be an entirely different story.

i miss/ed her

i missed her. she left me a PM in yahoo but i was in band practice. i got back just about midnight and she needs to go. yeah. i suck.

i miss her. it has only been a day since she left for the Philippines and subsequently Boracay (which is tomorrow). Arg. i don;t wish to be selfish, but i didn't want her to go. but what can i do? her family is really important. and i am missing her.

by the way, did i tell you i miss her already?

how to bowl

+yes. i still went. and i sucked. i don't even know what's happening anymore. i'm hearing this, i'm hearing that. i'm hearing a lot of things in between. and what the fuck, he even invited me to go bowling with them. i don't know why and i son;t know what do i do?

empty. that is what i'm feeling right know. even though you'll only be gone for a week or so, i miss you already. i hope you enjoy your short vacation with your family. i'm sure you will.

i can't wait for this week to end, bu this is going to be a very long week...

paranoia is killing me

it's not that i don't trust her/him/them. i just can't stand the thought of them together. yeah, me and my green eye. so should i stay or should i go? i don't really know what to do. can somebody out there help me please? pleaseeeee!

i'm running out of cigarettes ang my mind is tearing me apart. how pathetic can i get?

breaking a promise

i promised to go bowling tomorrow to some people but i'm bound to break that promise. the reason? i am selfish. i don't want to see them together. I just remembered that they were going to Taoyuan tomorrow and I'm guessing that they'll be going together. And guess what, HE is a very good bowler. That won't go unnoticed and unpraised.

I won't go that far. I already miss her. I miss her everyday. And now I just don't know what I am doing. I just hope it will turn out for the best. Wish me luck.

i am now officially emo

if self-infliction was the last thing that differentiates me from being emo, then now i am officially one.

maybe being hurt a lot of times can lessen the impact of pain. maybe not. i am just being defensive. the truth is, i don't want to put the phone down but the pain is just too much. hearing about how you feel like a loser because of this, because of that. i don't know what to think. i cannot really tell what i want to tell you. my heart shouts out but i am afraid to lose the connection we've just started over. i don't even know what tomorrow brings. i still don't know how to face you.

haha, now this makes me more like a loser.

more loser entries next time. i'm just clouded by this false happiness and i don't want to let it go.

hmmm... that was three hours? i survived three hours talking to you? and thanks kind roommates for counting the hours. like i want to know. rarr.(sacrasic tone)

3 months to go

can anything happen in three months. of course.

unlike me, they are fast paced.

i didn't see that coming. i had a foresight, that's what made me falter. and here it is, coming right down the corner. don't you have your taiwanese girl friends?

i don't know. i lack the confidence. time to build it up. but this time, i can't mess it up.

you are driving me crazy

and it's not even your fault.

so who can i blame? nobody but myself. isn't that pathetic?
i don't even know what to do anymore.
i can't even shut up.

this has got to be the shittiest day in my life

i cut two classes, the computer mandarin and the marketing one. Now, i'm not sure if i'm still going to meet up my group mates for marketing to discuss our project but i really think i must go.

two and a half hours to go in this boring office. although i don't know what i'll do once i get off work. and after the meeting. I still need to learn hoe to play the bass lines of three taiwanese song. that would take at least two hours each, although from what i've been hearing, the bass lines sound great (and difficult).

i don't know why i'm such in a depressed mood. it's just that ever since i learned the "confession" and confirmed it a bit added to my already restless mind, it just made a big bang. i know there is no big deal. maybe its just a personal issue. regret? nope, i don't think so.

so what? they can go there. why can't i approach you? why am i always thinking about myself? am i that self-centric already?

i dunno. but kudos. and don't mind me. i'm just being pathetic.

when was the last time you felt so stupid it makes you want to cry?

me? now.

even if it's the last thing i'm gonna do, i'm still gonna love you.
if it's the last time i'm gonna talk to you, i'll tell you thank you.
just be happy. i'm not going to do anything to stop you.

and if it's the last time that we are gonna meet, then it is the happiest and saddest time that i'll remember. forever.