I left.

fxck.

Nothing and Something at the Same Time

Forget it. Whatever I do means nothing. Is it because of the consequences? Is it because of the situation? Or is it simply because there is no chance for me to be with you?

That is why I need to forget it. Whatever I do, I still can't think of a way to go forward, however, I cannot find it in my heart to leave.

Stupidity Defined

I waited until five without knowing if she did or didn't go.

Lost in Distraction

I don't know what to think now. I'm confused, depressed even. Jobless and broken hearted. I'm scared shitless of what might happen today, tomorrow, whatever.

Job hunting has been fruitless. I skipped an interview last friday 'cuz i don't have the guts to face it. I've been making excuses all this time. Maybe I'm just procrastinating. Maybe I'm just lazy. This must stop, and hopefully by the end of this day, I've done my CV　ａｌｒｅａｄｙ.

Sleepless, thinking of her. I don't know why it suddenly resurfaced. Maybe it was there all along and i was just trying to ignore it. I've liked you for a long time already but i don't have the courage to tell you. You're leaving in a week. Time will force me, or maybe not. I don't see anything. I can't read anything that you're doing. I was just surprised that I had the guts to say that I've missed you. What I didn't say was, I've been missing you for a long time now. Even though you're just a few rooms away, it still seems so far....

My nights has been sleepless. Smoking a pack or two each night, thinking what to do with this forsaken life of mine. Hopefully, I'll find the way. It might not be a right way, but a way nonetheless.

Echoes in Silence

I'm back, and worse than ever.

you know the time when you need someone and then you don't realize that you're already falling? This is not that time. I fell a long time ago already...

so please people, bear with me in this shit...

FIx Me

it's here again. it wasn't planned nor wanted but either way it is here again. the feeling that i've been running away from. and don't tell me to face it because i did. and it's here again.

in my dreams you torment me. you were always there. maybe it's what i wanted but it's not helping. ideas, you give me a lot of them. it's never needed but it still comes. i don't want to think anymore. every time i think i think about your birthday, impossible pathetic dates, what could have been, and what is happening. i'm lost.

i hope it ends tonight.

i couldn't sleep today

somebody's been snooping and i have a fair idea of who she is. i don't care. just please keep what's in here here.

yup, worthless, pathetic me. just what everybody wanted.

i'm not myself lately. heck, i'm not myself for a fairly huge amount of time. i don't even know what "myself" means anymore.

i've been watching a couple of movies and hoping that i learn a thing or two. being pathetic is not a solution, in fact, it is another problem. but how do we face it? simple, by showing your pathetic side how "un"pathetic you can get. easier said than done.

how do you forget something -or someone rather- who you don't even want to forget? if everything is a constant reminder of how beautiful things can be. but what can be doesn't usually happen. it is the "what is" that we should all be concerned about. the moment in which, where, or when that we are spending right now. for the present forges the future, and the past is a constant reminder of what should or should not be done. they say, there are somethings we learn the hard way, but it is hard enough? and do we learn everything it teaches us?

humans tend to resist what they do not want to happen. it's natural. but resisting what we are afraid of for the reason that we are scared of being hurt, is it also natural? if there is something in it, there's no harm in trying. and when you try, do the best you can. for the worst regret is the regret you get for not trying hard enough. and i admit, i didn't.

the easiest way isn't always the best way.